Getting my Covid-19 Vaccine Shot by Rae Rose

12-22-2020: The day after I signed up for my COVID-19 Vaccine

The first pandemic I remember was H.I.V., Aids. I was nine years old and weighed less than 26 lbs. at the height of the Aids Hysteria. In crisis, I was admitted to a Children’s Hospital in Washington, where I was given blood transfusions during an emergency surgery. This was before they knew the virus was passed on through body fluids. Up until this point in time, people believed “fake news” that Aids was only passed through anal sex or as I heard it “gay sex”.

Those were frightening times and being young and sick many around me already suspected me of carrying the deadly disease. It was a very scary and lonely time. I did not know how to find information, none of the adults around me really spoke to me, and no one wanted to be around me. They were too afraid I would infect them with “my disease”. I was already ridiculed for being dirty because of my dark skin, but now I was diseased as well, a social pariah in every way.

I was lucky that I never fell victim to Aids, but because of how sick I was and due to a lot of unfiltered news and false facts, I suffered under the panic and misinformation being passed around. People were afraid to be near me, they did want to touch me. I think for me their unjustified reactions to my situation caused more harm than the physical and social ailments that put me into intensive care in the first place.

The American memory is short and can be very selective. For us, as Indigenous people, I believe our memories hold true through the generations. This is not the first epidemic we have faced and will most likely not be the last. From bio warfare with the first smallpox blanket, to typhoid fever, the Spanish flu, Polio, Aids, Measles, Swine Flu, Bird Flu and so many more in between and since, we have persevered as families, communities, and Nations.

From my own personal experience, for the me now, information is key. As soon as I heard the first words about a new virus, I started looking up and reading everything I could get my hands on. I did this so I can understand how to keep those I love safe and healthy. As a healthcare worker on the front lines, I see how privilege, misconstrued truths, and bias hurt the people I serve and especially those I love.

It hurts my heart hearing about and watching people suffer. Dying without loved ones feels cold and cruel, for the ones left behind and to those passing. Still, this is where we are because of all the actions taken under falsified and tainted gossip passed off as truth. Because of the untrue news, and bias, these are the actions we must take to keep everyone safe including ourselves.

Those who refuse to acknowledge the research and risk in this newest pandemic are at the root of these strict rules and the panic lasting so long and causing divides, unrest, and so much heartbreak. Our hospitals workers, our healers, our communities, everyone on the front lines, we are all suffering. On the drive home, in the darkness alone, I cry for those I cannot comfort, for all the lives we cannot reach or save. This is a hard time to be a healer in any capacity anywhere across Indian Country.

So, with the first role out of the Pfizer vaccine you would think we in Westernized medicine were ecstatic. A solution, right? Polio, Smallpox and so many more diseases have been wiped out because of vaccines. Yay, a light at the end of the tunnel. Right? For many of my coworkers, yes this is true. I do not share their enthusiasm or blatant trust in the profiteers of our current medical system the way they do. I wish I could, but I really do not.

I respect and trust the healers I have met at Ceremony and within my community. When they give me medicine, I accept it and I am grateful for their knowledge. I do not have that same trust in Westernized Medicine and big money pharmaceutical companies. Remember before I worked in Healthcare I grew up in these hospitals without protection and I often fell victim to their curiosity and experimentation. The reason I went into this field was to protect and provide information to people like me who could be easily abused by ill intended ambitions.

Now we Healthcare professionals are being pushed forward for the first round of vaccines. I personally have a lot of doubts about how fast this vaccine has been pushed out. As a patient in teaching hospitals without parental protection in the 80’s, I also know big pharmaceutical companies have no problem sacrificing us little guys for their bottom line. I remember once at a teaching hospital being brought in for a test before they had cleared the chimpanzee they were experimenting on before me. The Chimp and I were no different to those researchers. The carried him past me and the memory of his eyes meeting mine, haunt me. His scarred and shaved body resurface in my mind with every new drug or test trial since then.

There are also the many commercials you see “If you took this drug between these years and now suffer this, insert disability or disease here, you could be owed compensation.” We have all seen the adds the drug, dates, and the harm it caused changes, but it is always when a drug is first administered. So now I am scheduled for December 28th, 2020 to receive the first shot of the vaccine. But working in an Emergency Room and being immunosuppressed, after much research, and for those I love, I am moving forward.

This article is a documentation of my decision to become one of the first vaccinated. I have carefully weighed the risk and benefit ratio before deciding. I even took one of the last appointments to hear out what my coworkers before me had to say. I hope my worry and research will pave the way for our communities to make informed decisions to protect our families and our collective future. I still do not know how this article will end. For this article I am taking you along on the journey with me.

December 28th, 2020: Vaccine shot day

Today is the day… I am nervous, part of me does not want to go at all. The most common after effect I have heard about is a very sore arm. Still, I am more worried about the long term affects. Despite my anxiety and the urge to hide under my bed, I am moving forward. One fact that worries me is the warning that under 18 for the Pfizer vaccine and 16 for the Moderna vaccine should not take this shot. Why? What does it do to under 18? Or is it just they did not have time to test this vaccine on younger children? In the article it says they need more research on younger test subjects, but not that they have no research. Was there a bad reaction? Inconclusive data?

Also, a lot of my coworkers have come back to work thinking they are immune, but the website for the Center for Disease Control and the Department of Health all say you are not immune until the seven days after the second vaccine is administered. So, going in tonight I am curious if they will warn me that I do not have the 95% immunity promised by the Pfizer vaccine until after the second vaccine. That plays to my second gripe about westernized medicine, we are not giving the people we serve all the information the people should have.

Well, let’s see if they prove me right or wrong tonight?

I arrived at around 8pm to take a couple of pictures, to see where I needed to enter and where I had to go. Because I had been nervous, I made my husband drive me. Per hospital protocol he could only walk me to the door where I had to show my work badge and change into a disposable mask. The form I printed out the night before I proudly handed to the lady at the door. To this she responded I had the wrong form. There were two of us at the door with forms, we had printed in the last 24 hours, that were deemed old and useless at the door.

So as those of us arrived “prepared” with old forms, still not current on our employer’s website, we were all sent away to fill out the new forms. When we returned, we were sent to a desk to turn in our forms and promise we could return for the second vaccine between January 14th -18th. Once our pledge to return during the time frame was made, we were sent to get the first shot. My shot was given to me by a white woman, who my son named Tyrone.

Tyrone’s only question was if I was pregnant or nursing. After the shot we were not given things to watch out for or told anything about follow up. I was simply directed into the auditoriums amphitheater and told I had to sit there for 15 minutes while watching Disney’s Frozen, joy. None of us turned green or were escorted out foaming at the mouth so I guess we all passed the 15-minute torture test. Yay?

So important things they did not tell me before or after the test are:

1.) You do not have the 95% promised immunity from the Pfizer vaccine until at least 7 days after the second shot.

2.) Even if you have had COVID-19 you should still get vaccinated after around 90 days you become vulnerable to reinfection from the COVID-19 virus.

3.) When I researched if I no longer have to worry about contraction of COVID-19 after the second vaccine the CDC website had this to say:

“There is not enough information currently available to say if or when CDC will stop recommending that people wear masks and avoid close contact with others to help prevent the spread of the virus that causes COVID-19. Experts need to understand more about the protection that COVID-19 vaccines provide before making that decision. Other factors, including how many people get vaccinated and how the virus is spreading in communities, will also affect this decision.”

Not very reassuring. There have also been different strains, so caution is advised until the number of new cases decreases to near none.

The most common reactions are a sore arm, muscle pains, dizziness and/ or headache. These symptoms are to be expected and usually resolve in a couple of days. My arm is definitely sore, and I have a headache, but nothing severe. In rare cases the CDC reports the vaccine can cause severe allergic reactions like anaphylaxis. (Probably why we had to sit through 15 minutes of Frozen.)

This is a new situation and as it goes with new situations, we do not know enough yet to speak about the lasting effects. They can not even speak to how long the vaccine protects you from the

COVID-19 pandemic. So as a front-line worker and a current test subject, I hope this vaccine will help us gain control over all that COVID-19 has taken from us. I hope like with Swine flu and bird flu, that by next year this will be just another pandemic our communities survived and grow stronger from.

I light the sage to cleanse and pray for my relatives lost and suffering from this Pandemic. My prayers for our future keep me moving forward. I miss the laughter and love I took for granted when meeting family and friends at ceremony, powwow’s, and gatherings. Until we meet again here is a little humor, I hope I can make you smile even during these hard times.

Q: How do you treat Swine flu?

A: With Oink-ment

Q: How do you treat Bird flu?

A: With Tweet-ment

Once this virus is a distant memory, I will add to my flu and treatment jokes. My family said it is too soon for my horrible sense of humor on the current virus. Please stay safe and be careful until this current pandemic passes us bye.

By Rae Rose

Rae Rose is a Pacific Northwest author of Paiute, Mayan, and Japanese heritage. She writes historical fiction, poetry, picture books. “Stories are very important to me, I hope you enjoy these stories I share with you.” You can follow her @Rae_Rose7

*Photos by Rae Rose